COOL
Johnny Dawes
Rich Simpsons
Made a mockery of climbing sponsorship.
Nico Favresse
Obvs
Ben Heason
previously bullied by the climbing community, now sporting a groovie haircut and onsighted the Fish.
Neil Bentley
well tall and still climbed hard
Didier Berthod
Got a nun preggers
Dave Birkett
Sandbagger
Innes Papert
Scottish Beast
Neil Dickson
Only climbs a few times a year and dicks everyone when he does
Mina Wujiwuji
Fit innit
Katy Whittaker
Fit innit
Ian Vickers
Climbs stupidly hard whilst being a grumpy bastard. also runs a mint bouldering wall
Steve Mclure
Photograph with balloon in Climb and generally partying hard
Alex Roddie
Fit innit
Miles Gibson
used to have a big pink head
Nick Bullock
Being an old codger but still ridiculously psyched for terrifying trad routes.
Eric Jones
First British Eiger Solo/moustache/quality Cafe
Graham Desroy
Awsome trou and headband
James Mchaffie
Struggling with hat whilst topping out on gogarth choss
Jack Geldard
friends with mchaffie
Lynn Hill
good at fingering cracks
Adam Ondra
extreme anemia
Pete whittaker
Fit sister
Cubby
nice photes innit
Bonners
Got ** off a chamonix *******
Joe Brown
No brainer
Peter Croft
Canadian no brainer
John Gaskins
Surely uncool, Christian innit
Ron Fawcett
King of the yo-yo
Niall Grimes
godlike knowledge of everything gritty
Mick Fowler
choss, epic new routes
Pat Littlejohn
little-john innit
Sam Whitticker
Works parties
George Smith
likes climbing feet first
Andy Cave
likes beer and shagging
Brian Blessed
Secret repeats of skin & Wishbones, To hell and back and Shadowplay
Lucy Creamer
climbs hard for a bird innit
Simon Nadin
super slab skill innit, didnt hurt himself even when falling of obsession fatale
Ryan Pasquill
soloed vector whilst it was melting!
Martin Boysen
likes getting his leg stuck in himalayan big walls.
Tommy Caldwell
Promoted after pushing a terrorist off a cliff
Rab Carrington
Nice down jackets
Maja Vidmar
Fit innit
Tim Emmett
fucking mad for it!
Ben Bransby
glasses innit
Andy Kirkpatrick
Knows how to be the slackline not just the slack in the line.
Jeff Lowe
Shat on by partner while jugging in Yosemite.
Catherine Destivelle
Still fit innit.
Kenton Cool
Surname
Stevie Haston
Don't hold back Stevie
Don't hold back Stevie
UNCOOL
MICK RYAN
No brainer, ukc overlord
Katherine Schirmacher
didn't finish her cereal before climbing 'balance it is'. shockingly annoying voice.
Ueli Steck
dieting
Pete Robbins
dieting
Sonny Trotter
putting soooo much effort into one route in the uk, and it was in dumbarton. sack it off sonny and get on the grit!
jerry moffatt
Coke, training
John Dunne
Didn't actually climb anything, just ate pies and said he did/ lack of dieting. redeemed a little by grit-flick comments
Ben Moon
Since when did he work in a steel mill hammering large pieces of metal?
Neil Gresham
Training, big vain in head, “hang off straight arms and frog”
Dave Macleod
Bullying Pearson/ poor people skills. Scottish, nuf said
Jordan Buys
Jehovah's wittness
Joe Simpson
Too much crawling around whinging about having a sore leg and being tired.
Bear Grylls
“rimrot”
Leo Houlding
Sell out
James Pearson
Over grading, soppy climbing films with his girlfriend. Giving up having fun in favour of a regime of training.
Leah Crane
Not fit innit, having 'more to offer'
Scott Muir
not enough sub-sporting
Adrian Berry
having photos everywhere, but who is he actually?
Tom Randall
For doing a wank crack boulder problem at wharncliffe and making it look good enough to go & try
Simon Yates
lack of commitment on siula grand. should've abbed into the crevasse to finish simpson off
Beth Rodden
“yeah tommy”
Libby Peter
"Libby Peter's rock essentials CLINIC"
Ben Fogle
homo
Alan Hinkes
8000m peak bagging. Monthly appearances in trail mag.
Gary Latter
Doesnt know his left from right. "Abseil onto the tidal ledge high above the sea"
Sly Stalone
poor footwork
Tom Cruise
gay sunglasses
Dan Varian
Too much beastmaking, puts his ***** in every fingerboard he makes, that is the mono hold.
Dave Pickford
He isn't shakespeare
Dave Barrans
too much bouldering
Nick Sellars
wife didnt finish her musili
Gaz Parry
old, too much puffing on hard moves
'Cragrat Rich'
Seriously... come on...
Chris Sharma
Noisy climbing, cliche stoner lifestyle
Matt Heliker
Wants to be on the cover of Menshealth. Also violently attacks helpless stoners.
Adam Long
REALLY cares about 'ethics'. Ouzels. Possibility for upgrading to the cool list with more headpointing + nest chucking.
Adam Long
REALLY cares about 'ethics'. Ouzels. Possibility for upgrading to the cool list with more headpointing + nest chucking.
WIERD
John Redhead
Poky-bum-wank with masonry, nuff said.
Nick Dixon
Pretty Cool, but too much time spent with Redhead and at Nesscliffe
Franco Cookson
UKB outcry, moose-related route names.
Crispin Waddy
lives in north wales!
Mark Twight
for thinking everyone shares in his perverse sexual pleasure for energy gels.
Seb Grieve
the one that flew out of the cuckoos nest
Gary Gibson
insatiable appetite for wank new routes in wank places
Si Oconnor
off his head making up so many boulder problems, thought he was better than john dunne!
Julian Lines
crazy hair
John Arran
likes his wife (not specifically his wife, just any man liking his wife is odd)
CHODES
Mick Ryan
chode of chode hall
Timmy Oneil
like a 10 year old kid after downing 2 litres of coke and a bag of haribo. calm down ffs
VILLAINS
David Lama
Tick marks and Cerro torre bolting, but mostly tick marks.
